and God gave me two
there is nothing like having a good friend.
for a long time i struggled to find someone i connected with. it was hard to find someone who cared about me and wanted to have a relationship with me as much as i wanted to have a relationship with them. it was hard to find someone who didn't shove toxic ideologies down my throat. it was hard to find someone who enjoyed the same things as me. it was hard to find someone who was open to trying things that scared them. it was hard to find someone who i could trust to share my deepest, darkest secrets with. it was hard to find someone who trusted me enough to tell me theirs. it was hard to find someone who loved me for me and didn't expect or desire for anything about me to change.
for the first eighteen and a half years of my life, i did have a few friends. something important to know about me is that i prefer to have one really good, close friend. i do well with keeping up with many people, but because of a few things i've experienced in my past i have a hard time trusting too many people at once. i thrive having one best friend, one really close friend.
i had friends who i could have fun with. i had friends who i trusted at first and backed off for obvious reasons. not to say that those people are bad people, they just aren't (and weren't) meant to be MY people. i have treated people wrongly many times in my life, cut them off completely for what seems to be no reason. but when someone breaks my trust it is almost impossible to earn it back.
i have had friends in the past who i told secrets to and they told secrets to me; and as far as i know those secrets were kept. i have had friends in the past who i spent a lot of time with, probably too much time. i have had friends in the past who i cared about deeply and they also cared about me deeply. and i'm sure that we both still care about each other. but as i have grown and matured, i have done so in a direction that is not towards them. i let go of their hand at the fork in the road, choosing to go in another direction, sometimes not realizing that they weren't following, but i nonetheless was unwilling to turn around and get them. so i left them there.
about eight months ago, i was feeling probably the loneliest i have ever felt in my life (aside from the first few months after my grandmother died). it was march of my senior year and i had only one person who i felt i could trust; a person who i shouldn't have trusted, but nonetheless a person i cared about. i would sit in my room for hours at a time doing practically nothing, just hoping that someone would come into my life and make me happy. i wanted to not be lonely. i wanted to not be sad. i wanted a friend so badly, but i didn't know where to find her.
i walked into my mom's office at church and there was a girl i had known for the past eight or-so years sitting in the chair across from her desk. my mom had encouraged me to reach out to her for several months before this day, saying that we could probably be good friends; we had the same interests, same passions, same sense of humor, and she was a christian. but i pitied myself and said no. i held it off and held it off, came up with excuse after excuse as to why i couldn't be her friend because i thought that she would never want to be my friend. she was her and i was me and we had never been more than acquaintances in the past eight years we had known each other so why now?
but here we were, both sitting in my mom's office on a wednesday afternoon for God knows what reason. so we started talking- just small talk but still more interaction than we'd ever voluntarily had in the past several years of our parallel existence. we laughed... a lot. in a not long amount of time these words came out of my mouth: "let's be best friends."
and these out of hers: "but really, can we?"
and from that point on we were.
but not long after we became close friends, my best friend moved 2 and a half hours away. this sucked soooo bad. i started asking myself why i didn't become friends with her earlier. but then i realized that if we had become friends even a few weeks earlier than we did, we probably wouldn't have stayed friends. we both had so much hurt in our lives up until this moment; hurt that still lingers even now, several months into our friendship.
Grace came into my life a long time after i began wanting her, but not a second sooner than i atarted needing her. her friendship came at a time when i needed it most, when i needed it desperately. we went to the beach together this past july and it was probably one of the most fun and memorable experiences of my life.
i love Grace and i am so happy that she came into my life. it is so comforting to know that i have someone to talk to whenever i need; and reassuring to know that she is sure she can always talk to me as well.
and not long after i found a friend Grace, i happened to also make another amazing friend.
on a wednesday afternoon in early may, two interns from murray state university arrived at my church; one was a young woman.
at first she seemed shy and unsure of her surroundings, probably because she knew no one and was in a place she had never even known existed until she sat right in the midst of it. she sat at a table with the other intern and a good friend of mine and listened to them talk theology for probably an hour but said little, if anything.
later on that night a few of the kids from the youth group went out to dinner with these interns and had the opportunity to learn a few things about them. immediately i noticed that she was a very observant girl, that she looked in your eyes and seemed like she already knew everything about you.
after dinner we exchanged numbers and planned to meet up the following saturday at cherokee park to play with one of her dogs and go for a walk.
as one can probably infer, we ended up talking for hours. i learned a lot about this girl and she learned a lot about me. never in my life have i felt such an immediate connection and trust in someone that i had just met, and i had met her not even a week earlier. she trusted me to know things that she felt uncomfortable telling people that had known her for her entire life, and i trusted her in the same way.
Josie and i spent a lot of time together that summer. in july she had to go back to murray and prepare to start classes again in early august, but that didn't break our bond in any way. Josie is the kind of friend who i can go weeks without talking to, but as soon as i text her it's like we never stopped talking. i trust her so deeply and i love her so fully, and i know she feels the same for me.
all of this to say my joy and confidence in my future and in the relational aspects of my life have grown exponentially in the last eight-or-so months. i have made the two best friends i have ever made in my entire life, friends that i am confident i will have for the rest of my life. one friend would have been sufficient to fulfill my needs and answer my prayers, but God gave me TWO. He gave me TWO best friends for me to pour into and for them to pour into me. He gave me TWO godly young women. He gave me TWO people who loved me. He gave me TWO people to love.
i love Grace and Josie both in a way that i have never had the privilege of loving anyone in my life. I am so excited to see how we grow as individuals and in our relationships with each other and with God.
for a long time i struggled to find someone i connected with. it was hard to find someone who cared about me and wanted to have a relationship with me as much as i wanted to have a relationship with them. it was hard to find someone who didn't shove toxic ideologies down my throat. it was hard to find someone who enjoyed the same things as me. it was hard to find someone who was open to trying things that scared them. it was hard to find someone who i could trust to share my deepest, darkest secrets with. it was hard to find someone who trusted me enough to tell me theirs. it was hard to find someone who loved me for me and didn't expect or desire for anything about me to change.
for the first eighteen and a half years of my life, i did have a few friends. something important to know about me is that i prefer to have one really good, close friend. i do well with keeping up with many people, but because of a few things i've experienced in my past i have a hard time trusting too many people at once. i thrive having one best friend, one really close friend.
i had friends who i could have fun with. i had friends who i trusted at first and backed off for obvious reasons. not to say that those people are bad people, they just aren't (and weren't) meant to be MY people. i have treated people wrongly many times in my life, cut them off completely for what seems to be no reason. but when someone breaks my trust it is almost impossible to earn it back.
i have had friends in the past who i told secrets to and they told secrets to me; and as far as i know those secrets were kept. i have had friends in the past who i spent a lot of time with, probably too much time. i have had friends in the past who i cared about deeply and they also cared about me deeply. and i'm sure that we both still care about each other. but as i have grown and matured, i have done so in a direction that is not towards them. i let go of their hand at the fork in the road, choosing to go in another direction, sometimes not realizing that they weren't following, but i nonetheless was unwilling to turn around and get them. so i left them there.
about eight months ago, i was feeling probably the loneliest i have ever felt in my life (aside from the first few months after my grandmother died). it was march of my senior year and i had only one person who i felt i could trust; a person who i shouldn't have trusted, but nonetheless a person i cared about. i would sit in my room for hours at a time doing practically nothing, just hoping that someone would come into my life and make me happy. i wanted to not be lonely. i wanted to not be sad. i wanted a friend so badly, but i didn't know where to find her.
i walked into my mom's office at church and there was a girl i had known for the past eight or-so years sitting in the chair across from her desk. my mom had encouraged me to reach out to her for several months before this day, saying that we could probably be good friends; we had the same interests, same passions, same sense of humor, and she was a christian. but i pitied myself and said no. i held it off and held it off, came up with excuse after excuse as to why i couldn't be her friend because i thought that she would never want to be my friend. she was her and i was me and we had never been more than acquaintances in the past eight years we had known each other so why now?
but here we were, both sitting in my mom's office on a wednesday afternoon for God knows what reason. so we started talking- just small talk but still more interaction than we'd ever voluntarily had in the past several years of our parallel existence. we laughed... a lot. in a not long amount of time these words came out of my mouth: "let's be best friends."
and these out of hers: "but really, can we?"
and from that point on we were.
but not long after we became close friends, my best friend moved 2 and a half hours away. this sucked soooo bad. i started asking myself why i didn't become friends with her earlier. but then i realized that if we had become friends even a few weeks earlier than we did, we probably wouldn't have stayed friends. we both had so much hurt in our lives up until this moment; hurt that still lingers even now, several months into our friendship.
Grace came into my life a long time after i began wanting her, but not a second sooner than i atarted needing her. her friendship came at a time when i needed it most, when i needed it desperately. we went to the beach together this past july and it was probably one of the most fun and memorable experiences of my life.
i love Grace and i am so happy that she came into my life. it is so comforting to know that i have someone to talk to whenever i need; and reassuring to know that she is sure she can always talk to me as well.
and not long after i found a friend Grace, i happened to also make another amazing friend.
on a wednesday afternoon in early may, two interns from murray state university arrived at my church; one was a young woman.
at first she seemed shy and unsure of her surroundings, probably because she knew no one and was in a place she had never even known existed until she sat right in the midst of it. she sat at a table with the other intern and a good friend of mine and listened to them talk theology for probably an hour but said little, if anything.
later on that night a few of the kids from the youth group went out to dinner with these interns and had the opportunity to learn a few things about them. immediately i noticed that she was a very observant girl, that she looked in your eyes and seemed like she already knew everything about you.
after dinner we exchanged numbers and planned to meet up the following saturday at cherokee park to play with one of her dogs and go for a walk.
as one can probably infer, we ended up talking for hours. i learned a lot about this girl and she learned a lot about me. never in my life have i felt such an immediate connection and trust in someone that i had just met, and i had met her not even a week earlier. she trusted me to know things that she felt uncomfortable telling people that had known her for her entire life, and i trusted her in the same way.
Josie and i spent a lot of time together that summer. in july she had to go back to murray and prepare to start classes again in early august, but that didn't break our bond in any way. Josie is the kind of friend who i can go weeks without talking to, but as soon as i text her it's like we never stopped talking. i trust her so deeply and i love her so fully, and i know she feels the same for me.
all of this to say my joy and confidence in my future and in the relational aspects of my life have grown exponentially in the last eight-or-so months. i have made the two best friends i have ever made in my entire life, friends that i am confident i will have for the rest of my life. one friend would have been sufficient to fulfill my needs and answer my prayers, but God gave me TWO. He gave me TWO best friends for me to pour into and for them to pour into me. He gave me TWO godly young women. He gave me TWO people who loved me. He gave me TWO people to love.
i love Grace and Josie both in a way that i have never had the privilege of loving anyone in my life. I am so excited to see how we grow as individuals and in our relationships with each other and with God.
Comments
Post a Comment