my mother's love
everyone that has ever been made has a mother. even the unborn have heard their mother's voice. and most of us - the luckiest of us - have had the privilege of feeling a mother's love. i know i have; the redundant realization of this love in my life is what has prompted me to write this blog post.
i have always been different. i was always the sibling who was left out. even though i have a twin sister (who i love dearly and wouldn't trade the world for), i was always the sibling who was the littlest, who was picked on. i was, and still am, much more sensitive than my siblings. they call each other names and punch ("love tap") each other to show that they love each other. it took a long time for me to adapt to that and sometimes it still hurts.
but my mom always stood up for me because she was the same way. she held me when i cried, kissed my knee when i fell down in the driveway. but she was also never afraid to punish me. she was a very just mother, and still is. when i did something wrong she gave me a punishment, but every time she made sure that i knew that she loved me and that she was only punishing me because that was what was best for me. i never understood that until i was older, and when i began to understand i was abundantly thankful that she did that for me.
through all of the punishments and the "please, mommy! i won't do it again"s, she was strong and stuck to her word and didn't let me get away with it. she taught me that no matter how sorry you are, no matter how much you wish you could take it back, you can't; there are consequences for everything you do and the only way you can make it better is to do the right thing in the future.
i contend that this message my mother (probably unconsciously) taught me is what made me the God-fearing, obedient, goal-oriented, and motivated young woman i am today. i am not one to brag on myself (AT ALL!!!) but if there is anything good about who i am right now, it is because of the way my parents discipled me; with grace, but mostly with love - the kind of love that only someone who loves God can give.
so let me brag on my mom some more, if you will. my mother is the strongest woman i know. i have watched my mom cry; i have watched my mom clench her jaw and bite her tongue; i have watched my mother's eyes well up with anger, but she still kept a smile because she was wise to know that bursting out in madness wouldn't help the situation. my mom has held things in, let them eat at her from the inside until all she could do was cry, all for the sake of saving someone else from only an ounce of pain. my mother doesn't believe she is strong; if she is not strong, it is because she gave me all of her strength...
a few years ago i took a test that would put me on a scale from 1 to 40 (1 being perfectly normal, 40 being at an extreme risk of suicide) to assess how depressed i was; i scored a 37. this came as a shock to my family, and especially to my loving and caring mother. i had been struggling with self harm and suicidal thoughts but i didn't know how to tell my family about it, so i asked my parents to find me a therapist. and that's when i took the test.
my mother was so brave about it even though i know she worried deeply for me. later on i would find out that while i was at school she would go in my room and pray. my mother never showed me that she worried about me, though. she never treated me differently because of my depression. she didn't come in my room to check on me every ten minutes, she didn't ask me if i was okay a thousand times a day; not because she didn't want to, but because she knew that i wanted to be treated like everything was okay and that i was normal. she knew that doting on me all the time would not heal me permanently, she knew that this was between me and God (but she was always willing to stand me back up when i fell down, always helped me push through when i wanted to give up).
as i've grown more into a young woman over the past year, i have learned to respect my mother in a brand new way - as a friend. my mother is the one person who i can tell anything to and know that i won't be made fun of or judged. there is nothing that i can't talk to my mom about, and there is nothing that she feels she has to keep from me. i am very thankful for the loving, trusting relationship i have with my mom; i know most girls my age don't have that kind of relationship.
the best thing about it is, though, is that my mom is my mom before she is my friend. if i am going to do something stupid, she guides me like a mother; she steers me clear of bad situations and leads me towards a better alternative. but when i want to tell a story or talk to someone about my boyfriend, she is the first person i run to.
i love my mother. i hope you love yours, too.
i have always been different. i was always the sibling who was left out. even though i have a twin sister (who i love dearly and wouldn't trade the world for), i was always the sibling who was the littlest, who was picked on. i was, and still am, much more sensitive than my siblings. they call each other names and punch ("love tap") each other to show that they love each other. it took a long time for me to adapt to that and sometimes it still hurts.
but my mom always stood up for me because she was the same way. she held me when i cried, kissed my knee when i fell down in the driveway. but she was also never afraid to punish me. she was a very just mother, and still is. when i did something wrong she gave me a punishment, but every time she made sure that i knew that she loved me and that she was only punishing me because that was what was best for me. i never understood that until i was older, and when i began to understand i was abundantly thankful that she did that for me.
through all of the punishments and the "please, mommy! i won't do it again"s, she was strong and stuck to her word and didn't let me get away with it. she taught me that no matter how sorry you are, no matter how much you wish you could take it back, you can't; there are consequences for everything you do and the only way you can make it better is to do the right thing in the future.
i contend that this message my mother (probably unconsciously) taught me is what made me the God-fearing, obedient, goal-oriented, and motivated young woman i am today. i am not one to brag on myself (AT ALL!!!) but if there is anything good about who i am right now, it is because of the way my parents discipled me; with grace, but mostly with love - the kind of love that only someone who loves God can give.
so let me brag on my mom some more, if you will. my mother is the strongest woman i know. i have watched my mom cry; i have watched my mom clench her jaw and bite her tongue; i have watched my mother's eyes well up with anger, but she still kept a smile because she was wise to know that bursting out in madness wouldn't help the situation. my mom has held things in, let them eat at her from the inside until all she could do was cry, all for the sake of saving someone else from only an ounce of pain. my mother doesn't believe she is strong; if she is not strong, it is because she gave me all of her strength...
a few years ago i took a test that would put me on a scale from 1 to 40 (1 being perfectly normal, 40 being at an extreme risk of suicide) to assess how depressed i was; i scored a 37. this came as a shock to my family, and especially to my loving and caring mother. i had been struggling with self harm and suicidal thoughts but i didn't know how to tell my family about it, so i asked my parents to find me a therapist. and that's when i took the test.
my mother was so brave about it even though i know she worried deeply for me. later on i would find out that while i was at school she would go in my room and pray. my mother never showed me that she worried about me, though. she never treated me differently because of my depression. she didn't come in my room to check on me every ten minutes, she didn't ask me if i was okay a thousand times a day; not because she didn't want to, but because she knew that i wanted to be treated like everything was okay and that i was normal. she knew that doting on me all the time would not heal me permanently, she knew that this was between me and God (but she was always willing to stand me back up when i fell down, always helped me push through when i wanted to give up).
as i've grown more into a young woman over the past year, i have learned to respect my mother in a brand new way - as a friend. my mother is the one person who i can tell anything to and know that i won't be made fun of or judged. there is nothing that i can't talk to my mom about, and there is nothing that she feels she has to keep from me. i am very thankful for the loving, trusting relationship i have with my mom; i know most girls my age don't have that kind of relationship.
the best thing about it is, though, is that my mom is my mom before she is my friend. if i am going to do something stupid, she guides me like a mother; she steers me clear of bad situations and leads me towards a better alternative. but when i want to tell a story or talk to someone about my boyfriend, she is the first person i run to.
i love my mother. i hope you love yours, too.
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