What I Didn't Expect About Graduating College

Personally, I despised high school. I didn't like the majority of the people I went to school with, I was tired of the cliques and the drama, and the curriculum NEVER challenged me. My senior year, I took dual-credit courses which, luckily, kept me off my high school campus and in a college-level classroom.

In those college courses, I felt like my critical thinking skills were strengthened. I felt like my professors opened my eyes to a whole new way of understand things. I began reading more, writing more in my free time, and spending a lot of my time thinking about things that I had never though about before.

So, as you can imagine, I was ecstatic about starting college. I was ready to be in a classroom with people that actually cared about learning and were respectful to one another. I was ready to learn new things and actually be challenged when it came to academics. I was ready to meet new people and finally be separated from all of the people I went to high school with (and there is only one person I know from high school that is still my friend).

My college experience was amazing. I made a few good friends and I learned A LOT. I was excited to go to class every day and have discussions with my professors and classmates. I finally felt like I belonged somewhere. I finally felt like there were people like me who actually cared about their future and wanted to learn.

But my college career ended in a way that was not necessarily preferable.

As you know, the coronavirus started striking mid-March. There was talk around campus that they were going to shut the school down or they were going to cancel all classes and we would have to come back next semester. Honestly, I shrugged them all off. It didn't matter who told me or what they thought, I was like, "Bellarmine would lose a lot of money if they did that, so they won't."

Well, they did...

I was sitting in my Art History class on Wednesday, March 11, when there was a school-wide email sent to all students saying after that day, the campus would be closed for two weeks; we were to return to campus on April 1. That was gonna suck, but at least I would get to come back, right?

Wrong.

The following Tuseday, March 17, The Office of the President sent out a school-wide email stating:

"Online courses, which begin tomorrow, March 18, will continue for the rest of the Spring 2020 semester."

And went on to state:

"All university events through May 15, including Senior Week activities, have been canceled or postponed. 

Commencement, scheduled for May 9, will be postponed."

My heart sunk into my stomach. Not only was my last semester of college (which I loved) taken from me, but now I have to wait until December to walk across the stage, shake my university president's hand, and accept my diploma. I cried on my mom's lap that night. It felt like everything I had planned was being erased.

The last half of my final semester of college was solely online. And if you know me, you know I despise online classes. I like going into a classroom, speaking with students and my professor, and listening to lectures. I don't like reading things from a book and teaching myself everything because there are so many things that I won't know that I don't know (if that makes any sense).

People tried to make me feel better by saying, "well now you'll get to tell your kids about this. It'll be interesting and unique." I don't want to tell my kids that my dreams felt like they were being ripped from me. I want my kids to be as excited about going to college and being in college as I was.

I wouldn't have the experience of saying goodbye to my favorite professors, walking through the hall as a student for the last time, the feeling of satisfaction after finishing my very last final exam I would ever take in my life and walking out the door. I would never get to properly thank some of my professors and fellow students for literally changing my life.

So now, I'm a college graduate. But did you know that it's really hard to find a job when there's a global pandemic going on? Well, it's really hard to find a job when there's a global pandemic going on.

All of my life I've been a very goal-oriented person. I like having an end-goal, something to work towards. I'm not the kind of person who likes to sit around doing nothing.  I want to work hard towards something and feel the satisfaction of completion. Well, I don't have a real job. And I feel like I don't have a purpose. I don't have anything to do anymore. And honestly, I feel pretty useless. I feel worthless. When I was in high school and college, I thought, "it'll be easy. I'll just put in a few applications here and there and, boom, there's a job." 

Well, I was wrong... again.

Most companies aren't hiring right now. And if they are hiring it's for someone with 10+ years experience and a 4 page resume. I don't have either of those things. Ten years ago, I was still picking my nose and climbing trees.

None of this is to say that I've given up; I surely haven't. But I'm having trouble at this time in my life finding purpose in what I'm doing with it. 

So, if you're reading this, keep me in your thoughts and your prayers.

Also, if you there's a job opportunity for me, don't be too shy to send me a message.

Oh, and Go Knights.