An Open Letter to My Future Husband

Recently, I was scrolling through Pinterest and I came across a prompt to write 40 letters in 40 days, each to a different person. I bet you couldn't guess what the very first one is....

A spouse/significant other.

And because it's Valentine's Day, I thought I'd take the time to acknowledge a man who exists, but who has not come to be: my husband. Well, not only to acknowledge him, but to speak to him from the past, as if he's reading this years from now.

Without further ado...

Dear You,

I've spent a lot of time praying for you. And even now, as I write this, I wonder if you've ever felt those prayers. You must have been influenced by them, if you're reading this now. 

If I'm being honest, I don't wonder much what you look like. I wonder more what you'll be like. Is the sound of your voice warm like the first cup of coffee in the morning? Is it calm like ripples on the pond when the dragonfly hovers too close? Will you be a night owl or an early bird? Will you like the mountains or the beach? Will you prefer poetry or science?

But out of all things I cannot know and wish I could, there is one thing I wish to know the most: how will you love me?

I am a firm believer that most people love the way that they want to be loved. If one prefers to be held, they are more inclined to open their arms to another. If one prefers to be complimented, they will be the first to offer a statement of flattery. As a person who loves spending time with those I love, I am the first to invite someone over for dinner or to do something together.

And, sir, I wonder if you'll love to sit on the couch on Saturday morning, half-drank black coffee on the table, sunlight creeping across our dirty floor, reading a book you've read a thousand times because you like the part about the painter and the angel. 

I wonder if you'll ride silently with me in the car without a need to fill that silence with uncomfortable chatter. 

I wonder if you'll watch me cook dinner for our family and see the dance of motherhood sweep through the room like our very first dance at our wedding. 

I wonder if you'll always look at me the way you'll look at me on the day that I become your bride, your wife.

I wonder if you'll always reach for my hand in the grocery store parking lot, making jokes about me getting lost. 

I wonder if you'll come to me after a fight and we'll both look at each other with a look that says we're sorry, though we'll both utter the words without having to.

I wonder if you'll laugh as our children run into your arms after a long day at work, even if it feels like you're too tired to pick them up.

Really, I wonder about you a lot. I see you everywhere I go without actually being able to see you. And I wonder if now, in the moment that I'm writing this, you're seeing me, too.

You are so very special. I am praying for you. Happy Valentine's Day.

I love you now as I'm writing this, and now as you're reading it.

-Me.