An Open Letter to a Childhood Friend

Day 11/40

Like many of us, my friendships have shifted greatly over the years. I had many childhood friends. Some of them had a lasting impact on me, others did not. I can't think back to one specific friend that was more important to me than others. And what was childhood? In some ways it seems like I still am a child.

So I'll take this time to point out some specific friends. Some of them I've completely lost touch with. Others I don't talk with often. And still others pop into my life at different times. I will be addressing each of them my their initials, because I technically don't have their permission to share their name. And not all of the lessons I learned make them look very good.

J.G. - you were my very first friend aside from my sister that I can remember having. But honestly, because we were 5, our relationship was built on lies. We spent a lot of time convincing our table-mates in Mrs.Wright's class that we were cousins. We told them about all the time we spent at the lake on your dad's boat going tubing. I had never been tubing in my life. Truthfully, I didn't even know what that was. I don't think we ever exchanged another word after Kindergarten. And I don't think I was ever offended by that. If only it were that easy to avoid taking things so personally as an adult.

E.T. - you were my first BEST friend. We spent every waking moment at school talking to each other and playing games. You had a major peanut allergy and so you got to sit at the peanut-free table. You could only invite one friend and I think all but one time you picked me. And even though my favorite lunch was (and honestly still is) a PB & J, I always felt so special when I sat at that table. I think this is where I learned that it's not the food you're having for lunch, but the company you're keeping. I remember when I moved away from that school I thought about you a lot. We used to call each other but the calls slowly stopped coming in. My sister and I came over for a sleepover only one time ever and after that I think I never heard from you again. Again, I never took this personally. I guess you taught me that love transcends time, because I think you were the one that taught me friendship was real. There is still, though we haven't talked in over 16 years, a very special place for you in my heart. You made friendship exist.

J.C. - You were my first heartbreak. I think you're the reason why it's still hard for me to trust girl friends. We used to call each other every single day after school. We would talk about literally everything. And then one day you started ignoring my calls. I would call and call and you would pick up the phone, then hang it right back up. The next day at school you ignored me. This continued for weeks and months after that. You never talked to me again, even to this day. And I never knew why. That was hard for an 11 year old to take. You taught me that when friendships break up, it's more painful than when a romantic relationship ends. There's still a dull sting in my heart, a bad taste in my mouth when I think about it. I never understood.

C.B. - You were the friend that treated me right and I wronged. You had me over to your house, your family wrapped their arms around me. And then you started being bullied. I never joined in on the bullying. I played my part by standing to the side and pretending to not be your friend so that I wouldn't get bullied. It wasn't long until you moved away. I don't think you ever saw things this way. I still keep up with your life and when we do talk you seem like nothing ever happened. But that doesn't change that I know the way things happened in my heart. I'm sorry for that, even though I know you never were upset with me. And even if you were, you forgave me as a 12 year old.

B.R. - Probably one of my only childhood friends that I'm still friends with to this day. We were inseparable for many years. We spent every weekend together. You went to church with me every Sunday. We would laugh. We had so many inside jokes. You were just genuine and always so okay with being yourself, even if it made you the laughing stock. I think you liked how it made you different. And then you met a new friend before high school. And to me, it felt like you were constantly choosing her over me. Now I know better, but I remember thinking how it felt like I had lost my best friend. But we are friends now, and I know that we each hold a very special place in each other's heart.

I know I've missed quite a few people here. But these are the people who first come to mind.

I love you all, even the ones who hurt me. Thanks for being my friend. And thanks for the lessons.

-B